I’ve made a few mentions of my unpublished writings. Time I think to give a taste of what’s to come. This is an old story, been kicking around for a bit, a picaresque tale of four children, or possibly six men, who get eaten by a big robot and transported to Mars, where they find a spaceship in which they travel round space for a bit before ending up back on Earth and killing a million aliens.
I wrote it when I was six. Here’s the cover.
You can download the first four chapters by clicking the above image. Obviously I don’t want to share all ten chapters or someone will steal all my ideas. My handwriting was a bit iffy back then, so here’s the text of the story, with a little bit of extra punctuation and some textual notes.
Chapter I: The Monster
Once upon a time I was in Bed when suddenly the Bedroom lite up. I went down stairs ate up my breakfast got my clothes on and went out to get my freinds.1 When we came back the house was gone. I said ‘where could it have gone?’ By the way the names are William, Lee, tony and Mark. I terned round ‘L.L.Look’ I said. We all terned round we wished we did’ent tern round becuse right behind us was a monster 13 meturs high. ‘Help’ we said and ran.
‘Phew’ I said little did we know that the monster was behind us. One minit we was on the ground next minute we was in the monsters hand ‘HELP!’ we said and were swolowd up. Just by luck we werent crushed up. We begun to climb out of his ear and on his ear we found a secret code it looked like this
What could it say we looked around and found a mirror and the reflection of the righting said go to mars we was just about to climb down to Earth and then the monster Blasted Off.
Chapter II: On Mars
When the monster landid we were on mars well on a pyramid or in a pyramid.2 But then we saw a robot with 19 feet, two heads and one hand. We saw 5 guns we could Just reach them ZAP they were gone we were free. But then some more robots came with guns Zap Zoik Zap Zap Zoik Zap Zoik Crash. Mark was dead! the monster we saw terned into a sibeyman and then lots sibeymen apeared zap they were sill there and then we found out that if you burst the glass that was on there head they would die3 so we got are guns and Zap missed, Zap 1 gone Two to go, Zap 2 gone one to go, Zap all gone. We saw another robot ‘Oh No’ William said ‘this time it is to much’. We all ran little did we know that the robots thought Mars was flat and they forgot and ran after us, after a while we came back to where started so they had learnt something.4 ‘Oh No’ we said ‘run’ and did but they soon cuaght up with us.
Chapter III: Here they come
Then crack we were gone we were going to a spiral Galaxy. Tony said ‘wee’. We hit hard ground BANG! the guns they had gone. Boys came out of houses with 4 legs 18 hands with 16 fingers on each hand5 we had a sword fight. 2 boys against 6 men.6 ‘Run for it’ the boys said. We ran after them but then they called for the mum and they came out ‘HELP’ William said and we all ran and ran and ran and ran. We had to get away.
They soon captured us we were tied up against a pole with a fire round it but it did not touch us luckely. I kicked and kicked and then William began to climb up cut the rope with the pice of aluminium and then he cut Lee’s Tony’s and mine. Luckly the they did not see William ‘run’ we said and did. We had to get help but where and then we saw the robots we killed or we thout we killed they got nearer and nearer Zoik we disappeared and came back again Because when you got killed you went went to the spiral galaxy.
Chapter IV: Try Again
So the guns were no good the robot came towards us we were in the robots hand ‘HA HA HA’ the robot said ‘Get us out of here’ ‘It is no use saying that’ I said. We had to get out befor we were crushed we jumped out of his hand and ran, but (William) where could he have gone. Of couse the robot. We went to the place where we were caugt. There was William He was completely Hyptnotized. ‘William’ we said but he would not lisen. He just stood there with a funny look on his face.
Then the robot’s said go after them then William ran after us. We had an idea. We stoped. He crashed into us. He was not hypnotized. ‘Thank Goodness for that’ Lee said. Then the people came out and fired there guns at us and we went to Alpha Centuri which is never visible from Europe,7 so we carried on investigating. There was morning on that star how could we get back to earth then we saw some UFOs about 18,000,000 of the UFOs they sort of looked like ordinary UFO’s with lots of sort of feelers or tentacles.
(The next six chapters see our heroes fall through various black-holes, tumble around the universe, discover what Saturn’s rings are made from (dust), get captured by dragons, escape, get captured again this time by ‘sloppy mud monsters’ who have never heard of metal, escape again, lose the ‘earth button’ of their space-ship but luckily ‘miss mars’ and get back home… then ‘the end’ is rubbed out and, in a hastily added final chapter, the boys-men battle a million monsters with lasers they killed them they were all gone horay they said.)
- In just two brief sentences the author outlines the majestic calm of the protagonist. An explosion of light fills his bedroom; and what does he do? He goes down stairs, eats up his breakfast, gets his clothes on and goes out to get his friends.
- Which is it? On or in? We never really find out.
- The author is clearly alluding to the popular television series ‘Doctor Who’, the first five seasons of which he was very familiar with. There doesn’t appear to be any series where ‘sibeymen’ are killed in this way, so it is probably an innovation.
- Presumably here the two heads of each robot stopped to acknowledge their remarkable discovery? Strange though that a) they had been programmed to believe that Mars is flat and b) had not, until this point, not strolled around the apparently minuscule planet.
- The proliferation of appendages of the various mythic beasts in this work may be a reference to the mythos of ancient India — the Ramayana for example, full of multi-headed, multi-limbed mountain-eating characters.
- This is a little unclear. It seems that we, the ‘good guys’ here are men, fighting against alien boys. And there are six of us, not five minus dead Mark. Later we become boys again. The author clearly had in mind a sophisticated aging beam or time-travel device that he didn’t fully integrate into the text.
- Here the author, in a bravura synthesis of fiction and non-fiction, alerts us to the observed position of the star in the night sky.