It’s not the fault of capitalism, the ‘system’, the ‘human condition’, God, the devil, the Americans, the Indo-Europeans, my genes, my wooden leg, ‘bad luck’, my parents, my lover, my job, or any of the circumstances of my life. Its not the fault of my teachers, the media, the neighbours, the internet, the bankers, the police, the corporations, the people or the politicians.
I did it. It’s all my fault.
I stopped loving the timeless, spaceless, silent, thoughtless, me-less, mystery of the moment. I put my time and space-creating thoughts (believe / don’t believe / agree / disagree) and emotions (want / don’t want / like / dislike) above the weird wide paradise of soft sensory experience direct. I stopped melting in awe at the extraordinariness of this — and instead divided the world into all that; the so-called world outside, and my so-called self inside. Clinging to my self, I became afraid of death and of all things mysterious — love, silence, darkness and spontaneity — and built a deathless world to protect myself from it, that punished innocence, generosity, inspiration and mystery.
I did it. All the horror of the world, all the injustice, all the cupidity, all the violence; all the cold hard separateness, the peaceless restless need to acquire, the greed for a dream of security, the crude blundering destruction of delicacy… I did it. It’s all my fault. It was me.
And I’m the only one who can put it right.