Need an opinion on a subject you know nothing about? Visit the Belly Up! OPINION EMPORIUM. We’ve got opinions for literally every issue. Ever been to a party and the conversation has turned to matters beyond your experience or interest? Politics perhaps, or literature, or parenting, or the craters of the moon? Ever felt a bit awkward at saying ‘I’m afraid I don’t know about that,’ or ‘sorry, what does that mean?’ Or maybe you’ve lived your whole life in an institution — school, uni, office — and have nothing meaningful to say about life that you haven’t read somewhere? Or perhaps you’re fond of debating on the internet and, every now and then, come across someone who knows what they’re talking about? Disturbing isn’t it?
Fear not! Help is at hand. With our opinions you’ll always have a firm, knowledgeable, credible opinion to offer — nothing that will get you into a long discussion of course — which might strike at the roots of you knowledge; perish the thought! No, no, just enough to make you not look or feel stupid, to not seem out of place and, most importantly, to keep all your fears and desires held together.
Have you ever met someone whom you felt — felt deep in a place you dare not go — knew you better than you know yourself? Have you ever felt awkward, out of step, ashamed, afraid or angry for no reason at a certain kind of confidence or presence? Well, what you need sir, madam, are a few more opinions about yourself. That’ll do the trick! They also work wonders for new situations — you know, those moments when you feel exposed, nothing to cling on to — for meeting people — the more opinions you have about you, the less anyone or anything can ever get through to what might be behind them — and for keeping the annihilating void of unknowing safely hidden behind a plausible particle of self-belief.
AND NOW! JUST IN! Our Budget Opinion Package. If you don’t have enough time or money to equip yourself with a full range of opinions we’ve got a small ‘Justification Pack’ to cover all the important weak-points of your psyche with just the likes, dislikes and ‘facts’ you need to swat away inconvenient criticism or truth. Anything else you can easily cover with sarcasm, psychotic anger or a righteous vanishing act.
So come on down to the Belly Up! Opinion Emporium. Fill the Universe with what YOU reckon!