I’m launching my election campaign this week. My manifesto includes a commitment to eradicate all privilege and wealth, selectively phase out ‘civilisation’, prepare for the coming collapse, and create a society in which everyone can participate equally in consummate tango, grand-master chess matches, full-speed horse-races, dark operas of death, intoxicated ‘naked cluster’ paragliding, mind-bending maths chat, ultimate-ninja assault-running and advanced pâtisserie.

Yep, we’re talking about full-on, brakes-off Utopia Now.

Click the above image to download a high res printable poster. If you want a few more details on what Utopia will feel like to live in, take a look at this brief account, although I’ll be posting a more in depth picture in due course. You can also click the following image to download an outline of my election pledges…

Can you get to that?

The Apocalyparty will reduce and eventually do away with class and inequality by phasing out money, property and privilege, will dramatically reduce ill-health by eliminating the causes of ill-health (stress, work, atomisation, filth, high-speed tech-transport, petrochemical unstuff, nutritionless unfood, etc.) and will eradicate so-called mental illness through the unusual practice of improving reality. We will reduce the need for lawyers by phasing out laws, the need for teachers by reintroducing the school into the world and the need for x-factor by allowing genius and scenius to grow gaudi-like from the vibrating earth. The world will be not be built in service to the profane gods of ‘growth’ and ‘share dividend’, but, rather, to make girls wobbly with delight, to facilitate widespread use of the mashed-potato and to allow Japanese elkmen to roam.

Any swing voters might want to hang around until I clear up a few obvious objections to the above, or until life in the world becomes so unbearably shit everywhere that the hitherto extraordinary proposals seem reasonable, whichever comes first.


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Other posters in this series: